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A Midnight Clear

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It took seven years and a stack of triplicate forms to have 
someone declared legally dead, so Scully's life had merely 
been in limbo, awaiting a final verdict.  Always one to rush 
to judgment, her mother had shown her a headstone with her 
name on it.  "You don't know what it was like for us," she'd 
said.  "It's a miracle you're here."

She didn't feel like a miracle.  She felt light, almost 
hollow. She returned to the Hoover building as though a 
ghost, haunting her old life, and the faces she passed 
reflected the eerie sensation back at her.

"Agent Scully." Hank Higgens, the security guard at the door, 
gaped openly.  "I haven't seen you in months.  I asked where 
you'd been off to, and they told me you were...gone."

"Well, I'm back, thanks," she replied lightly as she fished 
out her keys and then walked through the metal detector.  
"But just visiting today."

She had one more round of doctor's hoops, both physical and 
psychological, to jump through before they would let her back 
on active duty.  As for what would happen after that, it was 
up to Mulder.

He, too, seemed to look on her as a benevolent entity from 
the other side, a welcome one, but an unsettling curiosity 
nonetheless.

She found him in almost the exact same spot in which she'd 
left him months before -- typing furiously amid piles of 
folders, a pencil clutched between his teeth.  "I could use 
your help," she said by way of announcement.

Mulder's shoulders tensed and he swung around in the chair, 
looking vaguely alarmed.  "Scully," he said, relaxing a bit 
when he saw her standing whole in front of him.  "What are 
you doing here?"

"I was in the neighborhood.  Tree shopping, actually, and I 
thought you might be able to help me."  She did not want to 
have the conversation in the office, where anyone might be 
listening, nor in her home, where she could still see Duane 
Barry through the window.

"Sure, of course," he answered, already scrambling to get his 
coat.  "It's close to quitting time anyway."

 "What are you working on?" she asked as they waited by the 
elevator.

 "Oh, nothing in particular," he replied, and scuffed at the 
floor with his shoe.

Skinner had told her the truth, that Mulder was combing the 
abduction literature for any connections to Skyland Mountain.  
She was home but he was still stuck up there among the waving 
pines.  

"You're starting Christmas early this year," he said as they 
exited into the chilly evening air.  "Looking for a tree 
already."

"Best to shop early before the good ones are all gone."

She wanted a big one this year, large enough to span the 
windows and remove the smell of fresh paint in her living 
room.  She had half a mind to leave it up through Valentine's 
Day.

They took her car, the one that still had a quarter tank of 
gas left from Before.

Mulder redirected the heating vents so that they all pointed 
at her. "We had a cat for a few years when I was younger.  
Samantha brought him home from school and by the time my 
father got home she'd named the cat Fred and dressed him up 
in doll clothes.  Fred *loved* Christmas, especially the 
tree.  In the middle of the night, he'd mount that thing like 
it was a mechanical bull and then it was midnight at the OK 
Kitty Corral."

"You mom must have loved that."

"Oh, that was just the start of things.  He would shake the 
tree until the ornaments fell off, and then play hockey with 
them around the house.  Sam loved that animal, but when he 
ran off and disappeared, I don't think my parents looked too 
hard for him."

The Christmas tree lot was doing a rather slow business and 
Scully was able to find a parking spot with no trouble at 
all.  She inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of pine and the 
sharp winter air.

The wind stood Mulder's hair on end as he squinted at her 
across the roof of her car.  "What do you say, Scully?  Let's 
go bag us some big Christmas game."

She walked directly past the wreaths and smaller trees to 
majestic firs on the far side of the lot.  Temporary 
spotlights were rigged up on makeshift wooden poles, 
highlighting some of the more impressive specimens.  She 
circled, honing in on her prey.

"What do you think of this one?" he asked, hauling a seven 
footer to its full height.

"Crooked at the top."

He laid it back down and they moved on.  Scully reached in 
with one gloved hand and wrapped her fingers around a sturdy 
trunk.  Thick branches tickled her nose as she pulled the 
tree upright.  "What do you think of this one?" she asked, 
craning her head back to see the point.

"What's that?" Mulder teased from the other side.  "I thought 
I heard a tree talking to me."

"Very funny," she said, shaking it to help the branches 
descend.  "How does it look?"

"It's a little thin on this side."

Scully replaced the tree and dusted the loose needles from 
her hands.  They wandered deeper into the parking lot forest, 
edging away from the other customers who kept to the lighted 
areas.  

"Hey, Scully," he said.  "Check this out.  It's a Skinner 
tree."  She turned around to see him holding a tall tree with 
bare branches at the top.

"Prune it back a little and it would be okay," she said.

"I'm going to tell him you said that."  He put the tree down 
and disappeared into the darkness.

"Mulder..."

"Hmm?"

"Speaking of Skinner... I talked to him earlier today."

"Oh, yeah?"  His voice was growing farther away, so she crept 
closer towards the sound.

"We talked about my coming back to work."  She heard his 
footsteps stop, but he didn't say anything.  "I've passed the 
physicals so far and I've met with my assigned counselor.  I 
could be back on active duty as soon as next week."

"That's... that's great, Scully."

She ducked around a tree but he had vanished again.  "He told 
me I wouldn't be able to come back to the X-files," she said, 
still pursuing him.  "He said...Mulder, where are you?"

"I'm right here," he replied quietly, pushing back some 
branches.

She blew her hair back out of her eyes.  "He said they won't 
let us be partnered again unless you complete the review 
process over what happened.  You haven't filed a final 
report..."

"There's nothing final to report.  You know that."

"You haven't met with your EAP counselor."

He ducked her gaze.  "Like that would make a difference 
anyway."

"It would mean that we could be partners again.  We could 
maybe start to put this all behind us and get back to the way 
things were."

"Things will never be the way they were," he shot back.  "I 
can't believe you don't see that."

"They're concerned about you, Mulder.  They're afraid you 
haven't moved past this case."

"Your case," he said.  "You can't even own it.  What did your 
EAP counselor have to say about that?  You think, what?  That 
you'll come back to the X-files and we'll just pretend you 
were never abducted?  This is the most significant 
development we've had, our biggest lead, and you're not only 
refusing to investigate, you've turned a blind eye 
completely."

Here she'd been thinking he was trying to protect her from 
coming back to work.  In truth he was protecting her case.  
His case.  Whatever.

"Maybe they're right," she said hoarsely.  "Maybe we 
shouldn't be working together."

She turned away into the trees, wending through the dark in 
search of an escape.  She heard him following her.  

"Scully, wait.  Wait a second."

She didn't slow down until she'd reached the lighted area of 
the parking lot again.  "What?" she asked, folding her arms 
around herself.

"Sit down a second."  He took her by the elbow and gestured 
toward a nearby bench.

She shook him off but followed him to the bench anyway.  "You 
don't want me investigating my own case," she said, "and you 
didn't even have the guts to tell me."

"I don't think you want to investigate it.  That's a big 
difference."

"From what I understand, you've been doing little else for 
months now, Mulder, and have gotten nowhere.  This big lead 
you speak of, where is it?  There've been no arrests.  You 
have no suspects.  If we had something tangible, I'd say 
let's go for it.  I'd be right there with you, knocking down 
doors and demanding answers."

He rose up slightly and pulled out his wallet.  Inside was a 
folded piece of paper, which he handed to her.

"What's this?"

"Your mother had this filed but I intercepted it.  It 
wouldn't have gone through anyway."

Scully unfolded the paper and tilted it toward the light.  It 
was an application to have her legally deceased.  Under cause 
of death, it read "homicide," and Duane Barry was the stated 
killer.  Suspected manner of death was blank.

"It was a bunch of lies," Mulder said, his hands shoved deep 
in his pockets.

"It's irrelevant now."  She folded it back up and tried to 
hand it back to him, but he wouldn't accept it.  She shrugged 
and ripped it in half.

"You see?"  He turned to her.  "That's your answer to 
everything."

"And your answer is to keep carrying it around forever.  
That's somehow more productive?  There's nothing useful here, 
Mulder."  She stood up, casting a shadow over him.  "I want 
to come back.  I want to find out what happened to me.  But I 
can't spend the rest of my life caught in that one moment."

She gave the torn paper back to him and left him sitting 
there.  When he caught up with her, she had found the perfect 
tree: seven feet, strong, full branches and a beautiful point 
at the top.

"You know, I never really got the connection between dragging 
a fir tree inside the house and the birth of Jesus Christ.  
It's not like there were pine trees present at the Nativity 
scene.  You'd be better off decorating a bale of hay or maybe 
a palm tree."

 "The tree is a symbol of life," she said without looking at 
him.

With the help of an attendant, they got the tree tied to the 
roof of her car.  "If you let me pick up my car," Mulder 
said, "I can come back with you and help you get it into the 
house."

"No need."  She could find a neighbor to help her.

"Just drop me back at work then," he said as she slammed her 
car door.

"Of course."

When they reached the Hoover, he unbuckled his seatbelt but 
did not exit the car.  "Scully, it's not that I don't want 
you back.  It's what I've wanted for months, more than 
anything."

But she had returned with no real information, no tinder to 
stoke his fire.  It must be such a disappointment.

"I'm here," she said.  "I'm back.  What happened, Mulder, I 
want to understand it just as much as you do, but I have no 
memories, no way to process this part of my past.  It's empty 
and there's nothing there for me now.  I have no choice but 
to go forward.  If you can't go with me, then I'll go alone.  
I can't be both a partner and a case file to you.  I can't 
and I won't."

"And I can't declare it closed."

She sighed and pressed the button to unlock the car doors.  
"Goodnight, Mulder."

She left him on the curb, his coat flaring in the wind, as he 
watched her drive away.  Kindly Luke Flannigan next door 
helped her wrestle the tree into her apartment and get it 
centered in the stand.  She spent the whole evening dragging 
a chair around and stringing up the lights.  It was close to 
midnight when she placed the last ornament on its branch.

She turned off the lamps to admire her handiwork, and the 
room glowed with soft colored lights, the tree twinkling at 
her in a merry array of tinsel, silver globes and red-nosed 
reindeer.  She jumped at a quiet knock on her door.

Mulder stood outside in the hall, and she hesitated a moment 
before deciding to risk her Christmas spirit by letting him 
inside.  

He hung back at the door for a long minute and it occurred to 
her that he probably hadn't been to her house since it was 
last a crime scene.

"The tree looks great," he said with open admiration.

"What do you want, Mulder?"

"I know it's late, but I saw your tree on."

"It's very late."

"But not too late, I don't think."  He reached inside his 
coat and pulled out a folder.  "Here."

She flipped open the cover.

"It's my final report," he said.  "I thought you might like 
to read it and see if there's anything you want to add."

Duane Barry's picture rattled her, but she made herself look.  
She scanned through all the details, from her blood in the 
trunk to decision to terminate her life support at the 
hospital.

She skipped to the end, where the case was marked "unsolved, 
pending further investigation."

He was watching her for a reaction, waiting for her to 
object, she knew.  She drew a long breath and met his gaze.

"It looks complete to me.  For now."

He smiled broadly.  "See there?  I signed at the end."

"Like Christmas come early," she said, deadpan.  She handed 
the report back to him.  "Can I offer you some eggnog, 
Mulder?"

He made a face.  "That stuff is disgusting.  No, thanks.  I 
should get going anyway.  Merry Christmas, Scully."

She shut the door behind him and leaned against it, alone 
once more with her tree.  "Merry Christmas," she said.

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Thanks to Amanda for proofing!

Feedback makes the best holiday present! syn_tax6@yahoo

The XF timeline gets hopelessly confused around the time of 
Scully's return.  One could write them in quarantine after 
Firewalker or recovering from Donnie Pfaster.  This is just 
one of many possible imaginings, and I thank you for taking 
the time to read it.